Copyright © 2009 by A Grieving Father and Survivorship. All rights reserved.
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The Evil Lingers On
A Grieving Father
Last fall, our oldest daughter, now thirty-seven, found herself pregnant, even though her doctors had informed her that with only one damaged ovary left she had one chance in a million to get pregnant. The pregnancy was torturous. Her life became vomiting and nausea many times daily, the need for intravenous hydrating solutions nightly, for months on end. She maintained that she was “sick.” Our daughter had the baby by Caesarian section nine weeks early. The baby, even though premature, was in good health.
I was in town at the right time to see the baby when she was a few hours old. My wife came down later, as she does not drive our big truck. Saturday, we were all together in the hospital. Our daughter told her mother firmly to hold the baby over the bed. Then we were told that that day was the only time she and her husband had to be alone with the baby. We interpreted that to mean we should not be there with them. Maybe too many people around?
So we had to find a place to put the frozen food we had brought for her because it was melting after the three-hour trip. Because of the five dogs she kept, three in cages, one rather vicious one that lived in the bedroom, and one outside, she told us not to go to the house. She said that just because there was a baby in the house, she was not going to put the dogs outside.
Well, we felt a little trapped. You just cannot walk up to someone’s house and ask to put a lot of food in their refrigerator. So we drove about an hour to our younger daughter’s home and put the food in her freezer. We spent the weekend with her.
The following week, we found the crib she wanted plus a changing table. Plus tons of baby clothes. We then hitched up our travel trailer and towed it down so as to be near her to help her, as good grandparents would.
We parked at a neighbor’s house a couple of blocks away. When I was driving the neighbor to the hospital to visit, my wife phoned me and said our daughter did not want us to be there. Said she was quite hateul.
My cell phone rang. I was tired from hitching, t owing, and setting up. Our daughter was incensed that we were there, said that we had never done anything for her, had never come to see her when she was “sick” (pregnant), had never come to the hospital, and on and on. We had, of course, visited and helped her – many, many times. I was aghast and said nothing. She then said that I would never see our grandchild. I said if that was what she wanted, that was ok with me. She became quite abusive, and I said ‘crap’ and hung up.
She had never before been abusive to me; I was the protector and defender of the family. What I am saying is this: Now that the children who were abused are getting pregnant and having their own children, we as grandparents have in some cases still more evil to face.
We know that our daughters were abused by my wife’s cult family. My daughters had reported their aunt to DSS and she was placed on the State child abuse registry for many years. My wife and I and our daughters all worked hard dealing with the abuse and its effects on us individually and as a family. We discovered that there was programming that my wife was “not a good mother,” and was “not a safe person” so that our daughters would fear and reject their parents. We do not know if our older daughter has been re-accessed by her cult relatives or whether programming to hate her parents kicked in when she gave birth.
I took some time off from work to recuperate from all of this. It was just like many years before; at times I could not work because of the incredibly stressful happenings with my family.
I suppose, on some level, my daughter had never really left the cult family. Perhaps she had not been able to or perhaps she simply did not want to leave. So, for now at least, we are grandchildless.
I think I will have a series of pictures of one of my cars, showing the parts, then the frame, then it being driven out of the factory, and then me with a big smile accepting the keys. Then pictures over the years as the car got older, trips it took with us, friends gathered at picnics. Just like family. Well, we intend on finding substitute grandchildren, and that is possible.
At our ages, it would not be wise at this point to be near our older daughter for many reasons, my wife’s safety being paramount. Yes, I guess the effects of the evil never completely leave.
Although we are able now to go to a Church, we realize that no, the Church does not understand evil in raw terms. They did not understand Hitler; they cannot understand ritualistic abuse. Everyone must have a smile and say that all is right with the world. My wife and I know better and we feel alone.
It is great getting this out to people who do understand.